Patient after patient comes in, and everyone talks about the same thing. The weather. How the day has been (which, of course, has usually been just fine). But every once in a while, people abandon the typical pleasantries and hold unique (and oftentimes amusing) conversations. As a sort of comedic tribute to my fifth year in the dental field, I post the following comments that patients have made through the years:
"I just got out of jail a year ago, you know, and I'm starting over-- getting healthy, taking classes over at the community college, stuff like that. By the way, do you know of any tattoo removal places around here?"
"I (expletive omitted) HATE flossing."
From a junior high student: "I've got a stupid science project to do. I'm supposed to write a Valentine to a vertebrate. And it has to rhyme."
[Emergency patient arrives. She had fallen and bitten completely through her lower lip, but also knocked her two front teeth in] "I'm ok-- I don't care about my lip, that's not bothering me. It's my teeth I'm worried about. Hey, are you nervous? You look nervous."
"I can work hanging outside an 18 story building, no problem. But whenever it comes to getting in to the dentist, I'm a big baby- I just can't take it."
"Dr. Oz said all dentists should have thyroid collars for x-rays." [Oh, Dr. Oz...]
"Oh, we named our baby 'Ace' because he was conceived in Vegas."
When asked if he had any plans for the weekend: "Well, if it doesn't rain, I might take my horse and buggy out for a drive." [He really does own a horse and buggy!]
Receptionist to an elderly patient: "How's your husband Bill? We haven't seen him in a while."
Patient: "Dead."
Patient to the dentist, who recently had her second child: "When are you due?"
Dentist: "Um.... three weeks ago...."
Elderly patient to hygienist: "Be careful when you're in there, now- I don't want my fillings to come out."
"Do you have beer-flavored toothpaste?"
Hygienist to a four year old boy: "Do you know what a cavity is? Yes? What is it?"
Boy: "When you don't put on your coat and it's cold, you get a cavity."
An 80-something man to the hygienist: "Black is a good color on you. It hides a lot. I always tell the ladies that black is a good color to wear." [How does one respond to that one?!]
10 year old boy: "Umm, just to let you know, I just had Cheetoes..." [Just what a hygienist loves to hear... ;) ]
Elderly patient undergoing sonic scaling: "You have a career of waterboarding ahead of you."
More to come, I'm sure, as the years go by...
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